The Happy Harry Whaaaat?

Daphne Greengrass was furious.

Never mind the fact that she had gotten an ‘Acceptable’ in Charms that day, that Snape had told her that she could’ve been better when she was brewing a calming potion (which she needed a lot of when she was told such), or when she had only transfigured a chair into a deformed flamingo, its beak in a place that made even McGonagall color slightly.

Never mind the fact that her Yule Ball dress was put on hold because not only had she changed her mind since she bought them at Madam Malkin’s before term, but they had to be refitted because she had grown… in every way minus horizontally. That part, she was quite proud of, but seeing as she only had a week, she almost pitied herself. Although it might not be a bad thing during the Yule Ball.

No, it was the fact that she didn’t have a date for the Yule Ball.

Well, she did have a date to the ball. Well, technically, he wasn’t her date yet, but he was gonna be. Oh, he was gonna be. Until someone stepped in unofficially marked territory. Not just any girl. No, it just had to be her date’s best friend.

Hermione Granger stole Harry Potter from Daphne Greengrass.

That was the only thought that traveled through her mind the entire day.

It wasn’t hard to figure out. Recently, she had seen them in the halls together, holding hands. She had noticed that Granger had been smiling brightly, although there was no doubt that she had been trying to hide it. At first Daphne was a little envious, but she knew they were only friends. They were the golden trio, not threesome.

She then realized that she didn’t see a trio. She saw a – she shuddered when she even thought the word – couple. The second youngest Weasley was not with them. She hadn’t seen a lot of him, actually. Not that she was looking for him, anyways. She was much more interested in the green-eyed heartthrob who seems to have been put on a shorter-than-usual leash by his best female friend. And he seemed to be happy about it, according to that core-melting grin he always flashed at her when she wasn’t looking.

Nine times out of ten, Granger would’ve broken down into a spasm of giggles (and possibly another type of –asm) if she had seen it.

She had noticed that Harry and Granger seemed to be closer and closer every day. It was a known fact that Hermione had spent countless hours trying to figure out the egg in her usual table in the library. She had also heard of rumors around the castle that Granger had a crush on Harry for quite some time now. Now, the rumor seemed to be escalating into them being… together. She was getting fed of it. After her last class, History of Magic, she decided to go into the library to find the bookworm and interrogate her. She decided to bring back-up. Her sisters would like to know about this.

The group of girls devoted to the well-being and eventual relationship with Harry James Potter, or the ‘Happy Harry Harem‘, was a proud organization founded in nineteen ninety-one, the same year the object of their admiration arrived at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now, two years later, they have over twenty girls ranging from thirteen to twenty year-old graduates. Not very many boys knew, including Harry, but a lot of girls knew of the harem. Some have wanted to join for Harry-related purposes, but when they found out what a harem was, they decided to snag him on their own. The only person Daphne knew of who let that in the way was Ginny Weasley. She seemed pretty determined to make Harry her own. Some, like Angelina Johnson or Hannah Abbot, had no such qualms. After all, they had to practice getting ready for the shaggy-haired wonder.

Greengrass was fairly low-ranked in the Harem, but mostly because she was only a fourth-year. They have special training mini-sessions in their dorms when non-members weren’t around. The third and fourth years were taught that being in a harem requires them to be comfortable and possibly intimate, if they could, to the other members, or sisters. 3-4 years were taught on kissing; 5, heavy petting; and 6-7 were taught the art of pleasuring themselves and each other, although they had to keep certain parts intact for their main prize. Greengrass still had to blush on that, but it was going to be worth it in the end.

They had originally planned on cornering Harry with the entire group in a private place after his graduation, giving him an offer he simply couldn’t refuse. It wouldn’t matter if he had a girlfriend by then; most likely, she would be a member of the Harem.

But this one wasn’t. She remembered when Hermione was staring intently at a group of girls within Madame Puddifoot’s one time. She knew that they were all some of the girls from Slytherin in the Harem. Daphne couldn’t tell if Hermione had heard or not, but she seemed to be worried about something when she got back on the carriage. She wished that Hermione would join the Harem. It would have a higher success rate of them having Harry. They needed more Gryffindors, she decided.

But back to business – what was it again? Oh, confronting Hermione, erm, Granger. She would need at least one of her sisters to back her up. She could trust Granger, but rumor had it that she would be very annoyed if she was interrupted during her reading. People would try to avoid her table, even Madame Pince until it was midnight.

She immediately found Hannah Abbot on her way to Hufflepuff tower.

“Hey Daphne,” she said cheerily. “Something wrong?” she asked as she took in her frustrated look.

“Yeah,” she said quickly, not even hearing the question, “yeah, I’m alright. I need you to come with me.”

“Alright,” she said nervously, taking her hand to follow and looking around. “But you know you should be a little bit less loud and obvious.”

“I didn’t get you for that,” Daphne said. “Not today, at least. We’re going to go recruit someone and I need help.”

“Is it someone who’s close to Harry?” Hannah asked, hope evident in her voice.

“Very close,” Daphne promised.

“Hermione?”

“Of course.”

“It didn’t look like she’s the type to join.”

“I know, but it doesn’t hurt to try. I think Harry and Granger got closer, if you know what I mean.”

Hannah seemed to think about it before she nodded. “Yes, you’re right. They have been holding hands recently. I’ve noticed that today wasn’t one of your best days. Is that why?”

Daphne nodded. “We weren’t even suspecting a ball!” she fumed quietly. “I drew the shortest straw! I get to ask Harry to the ball!”

“But you can’t ask him, the boy has to ask the girl—”

“The sisters said that what the professors don’t know won’t hurt them. And I agree. Granger couldn’t even wait until I got my dress back!”

“Why do you keep calling her ‘Granger’?”

“It’s what Slytherins do,” she said with a shrug.

“You call me Hannah, don’t you?”

“Yeah, but I know you a lot more than Granger.”

Hannah blushed lightly before she said, “If Hermione wants to join, then we have to call her by her first name.”

“I prefer just ‘sister’, thank you.”

“Okay…” Hannah said, not assured.

“Can we get back to the task at hand?” Daphne begged.

“Yeah, we should. Sorry.”

“It’s alright. How much do you bet she’s gonna be in the library?”

“My membership.”

“It’s unanimous, then.”

They entered the library, going straight for the usual table that anyone with half a mind would want to run away from. When they got into view of the table, they stopped.

In front of them, Harry Potter was sitting there, actually reading with Hermione Granger. They were sitting quite close to each other. Of course, they were both reading in the same book, which would explain why, but the two members took no mind. They were too busy looking at the intertwined hands of the two.

“That’s not how friends hold hands,” Hannah whispered, clearly distressed.

“Let’s not jump to conclusions,” Daphne quietly countered, though she knew that it was close to hopeless. “But if they are, then we could just get her to join us.”

“We shouldn’t approach her with Harry right there,” Hannah said.

“You’re right; we have to wait until Harry leaves.”

And so they waited. They watched closely as Harry tiredly rubbed his sexy green eyes under his adorable glasses. They watched as Hermione muttered something to him, yet they could not hear a sound. They were both sure that she had put up a silencing charm. They watched as the duo exchanged words to each other before they stood up together and Hermione picked up the tome as Harry pulled out a blank and dingy piece of parchment. Harry pointed his wand at it and mumbled something. They forced their attention away from Harry as Hermione walked closer to their hiding spot.

“Hannah, go,” Daphne whispered.

Hannah nodded in understanding and walked out into the opening. “Hermione,” she whispered towards the brunette, “could I talk to you for a minute?”

Hermione raised an eyebrow at the blonde girl, but nodded. She then raised her finger at her, telling her to hold on for a moment. She quickly put up the book and quickly walked over to Harry. She heard him murmur something before he nodded. He then did something that made them both a bit queasy and slightly turned on. Harry kissed her on the cheek while stroking the other with his thumb. He mumbled what they figured was ‘bye’ and Harry left, looking at the parchment that seemed to have moving words across the page.

“Hermione, don’t you think you’ve been working too hard? I mean you’ve been going non-stop.”

“I’m not resting until I figure out that egg.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“No.”

“Please.”

“It’s not going to work.”

“Please.”

“Honestly, Harry, I’m a Muggle-born! Do you really think that old trick’s going to work on me?”

“Please.”

“No, Harry. Do you realize how important that egg is?”

“Not really. It’s an egg with loud screaming when you open it. I don’t think you should keep over working yourself. It’s like third year all over again.”

“Harry…”

“No buts. You need to breathe. You live in books. You’ll thank me later.”

“You make it sound like I’ll give in.”

“Hermione Granger, it is my job as your boyfriend to make sure you don’t grow eye-bags early.”

“Harry Potter, It’s my job as your girlfriend to keep you alive!”

“You’ve been doing a brilliant job there; why don’t you let someone else help me out for a bit?”

“Like who?”

“Um…Neville.”

“Neville?”

“Yeah. He might be helpful. He’s pretty smart.”

“I’m not sure, Harry…”

“Either that or I ask Ginny to help me.”

“Alright, let’s go.”

“That was fast,” Harry mused as Hermione quickly stood up, tome in hand. “Ginny still has a crush on me, I take it?”

Hermione nodded as she picked up her bag. “Yes. I know for a fact that every time you hold a conversation with her or even enter the same room with her, she puts a ‘Silencio’ on her curtains at night.”

“Did you tell her yet?”

“I imagine Ron’s already told her since she hadn’t talked to me in a while. I hope she’s not mad at me…”

“Hermione, are you trying to change the subject? Let’s go back to the common room. I’ll look for Neville.”

Hermione nodded before she walked over to the bookshelf, and ran into Hannah as she got there.

“Hermione,” she whispered, “could I talk to you for a minute?”

Hermione and Hannah went back to Hermione’s usual table, where the silencing charm was still up.

“So, what did you want to talk about?”

Hannah cleared her throat before she said, “Actually, Daphne and I wanted to talk to you. Daphne Greengrass.”

Hermione looked over Hannah’s shoulder to see a black-haired beauty walking towards the table. She assumed this was Daphne Greengrass. She also noticed that she was wearing green. A Slytherin? At least it wasn’t Pansy, she mused.

“Hello, I’m Daphne,” she said as she reached the table, holding her hand out to be shaken. Hermione shook hers, then Abbot’s after she had her hand raised to her.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Daphne,” Hermione said. She and Hannah had talked a few times over the years, but she hadn’t met Daphne.

“Let’s skip the small talk, shall we?” Daphne said in a way that almost reminded Hermione of Rita Skeeter.

“From what we can tell, you’re dating Harry Potter, correct?” Hannah asked.

Hermione nodded with a blush. So far, only these two girls had noticed.

“So one could assume that he asked you to the Ball, am I right?” Daphne said, passive.

Hermione nodded again. “Before he asked me to be his girlfriend,” she clarified.

Daphne just nodded, although her head was reeling madly. “I guess you would want to know why we are asking questions about Harry?”

“That would help,” Hermione admitted with a smile. She then blinked twice when she noticed that Daphne called Harry by his first name.

“Well, we weren’t supposed to tell anyone close to Harry, as we fear it might be traced back to him, but we are two members of a large group of girls trained for the well-being of Harry.”

“Are you the Harem?” Hermione asked with a disbelieving voice.

Hannah gave a small cough to hold back her laughter. Hermione Granger wasn’t the smartest witch in Hogwarts for nothing. She figured out their organization that quickly.

Daphne was quite shocked, really. “How did you know?” she asked.

“I heard a group of Slytherin girls talking about…stuff in Madam Puddifoot’s. It was obvious that it was a Harem they were creating.”

“Creating?” Hannah asked. “The Happy Harry Harem has been around for three-and-a-half years.”

“Wait a minute,” Hermione said, “The what?”

“The Happy Harry Harem. Katie also thought of Harry’s Horny Harem, Harry’s Hoes, Potter’s the Pimp, and The-Boy-Who-Loves-Boobs, but she eventually decided on our name now, since the others sounded a bit inappropriate.”

“Wait; you mean Katie Bell?”

“Yes, of course,” Daphne replied this time, “she, along with Angelina, founded the Harem.”

Hermione immediately pinched the bridge of her nose, apparently trying to absorb this information while Hannah whispered to Daphne, “Do you think we should tell her more?”

“We’ll answer every question we know,” Daphne whispered back, “but we can’t tell her the members.”

Hannah nodded and proceeded to tell Hermione. Hermione was immediately thinking of a question. The obvious question came to her mind, first.

“What do you want with me?”

“We want you to join our Harem,” Daphne replied.

“You can’t be serious!”

“I am. You would be a great addition.”

Hermione just looked at her, and Hannah decided that she should explain. “Hermione, Hogwarts has thought of you two as the golden couple since you hugged Harry after you were un-petrified. We have wanted to ask you since the beginning of third year, but you were too close to Harry. We feared that you might tell him about us. We don’t want to tell him yet, you see. But now that you two are officially together, and you know at least a little bit of us, so we decided to fill you in…and to discuss some topics with you.”

Now Hermione’s eyes were on Hannah. “What topics?”

Daphne spoke this time, as it was her problem. “Well, the thing is, I wanted to ask Harry to the Ball. Although I’m jealous of you, I won’t stand in between you two.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said softly. “With all the hell that we’re going through now, I don’t want half the girl population jumping down my throat.”

“However,” Hannah said, “there is nothing wrong with sharing your date.”

“That’s Harry’s choice,” Hermione said to them when she realized that they were looking at her for an answer. “I don’t control who he can and can’t dance with. I’m just glad that I’m his main date.”

Daphne and Hannah stared at Hermione as if they were meeting her for the first time. “What?” Hermione asked.

Daphne spoke. “How would like to be the assistant leader of our Harem?”

Hermione paled. “Why would I want to be in your Harem, much less the Assistant leader?”

Hannah smiled at the girl. “Because you are the only one who knows Harry Potter. We only know the Boy-Who-Lived. Most of the girls, including Daphne and myself, think that they would need your permission to even talk to him. You’re very protective.”

Hermione found herself blushing in embarrassment as Hannah soothed her. “That’s not a bad thing, Hermione. We try to protect him, too, but you’re the one that always saves his life. It’s just that…Harry has done so much for the Wizarding World. This is a token of our appreciation. All of us have devoted our loyalty to Harry.”

Hermione looked at Hannah rather crossly. “Then why were you wearing one of those stupid badges?”

Hannah sighed. “Half of our Harem was supposed to wear them as to not raise suspicions, since I’m a Hufflepuff. Same for that whole ‘Heir of Slytherin’ episode. Most of us really did think that Harry was the heir, but it didn’t scare us. It was quite the turn-on, actually. We thought of new ways he could use with that snake mouth that you could recommend…”

“Hannah, I think she’s heard enough,” Daphne said as Hermione was blushing brightly. A thought then struck her. “Gran—Hermione,” she asked, “did you tell Harry…anything about this?”

Hermione feebly nodded. “He thinks that Slytherin made a newly formed Harem that’s for purebloods only and have secret meetings at Madam Puddifoot’s. That’s what I thought, at least. I was right about the third years and up, it seems.”

Daphne stiffly nodded. “And I suppose you’ll tell Harry about us now?”

“Well, Harry will be wondering why I was talking to you two for.”

“Harry only knows of Hannah meeting you.”

“Trust me; Harry knows,” she said, remembering the gift of the Marauders.

Luckily, Daphne and Hannah didn’t investigate further into the matter.

“So why don’t you want Harry to know?” Hermione asked the inevitable question.

“Well, as you know,” Hannah started, “Harry’s a little bit insecure about stuff like the development of girls. Having a girlfriend is a start, though, so I guess you could tell him about us, now. Add in the fact that we wanted to wait until Harry has a year peaceful enough to start looking at the girls’ interests in him. See, The Yule Ball was the perfect chance for someone in our Harem to ask Harry to the Ball. Daphne really wanted to, and seeing as she is the only Slytherin in Harry’s year in the Harem. Pansy’s too snobby to join, and we have only girls considered as cute and beyond; Millicent doesn’t know, either.”

Hermione broke a grin, then frowned. “What about the other houses? Only someone from Slytherin could ask Harry?” She felt slightly uncomfortable talking to them about this, but curiosity overrides all.

Hannah gave a sheepish smile. “Well, that was more promotional on our part. If everyone saw Harry with Daphne at the Ball, it says that Harry will be with anyone pretty, even a Slytherin.” Hermione noticed that Daphne colored a little, and made note of it. “With that message out, we will have even more people in our Harem. Our only rules are that you have to be thirteen or older and started developing, you have to be pretty, and you have to be…preserved.”

“Preserved?” Hermione whispered. “Do you mean you have to be a virgin?”

Daphne nodded. “It’s very easy to find if you’re recruiting a third, fourth, or fifth year. Oh, we also wanted to ask you if either Parvati or Lavender like Harry.”

Hermione nodded. “They were looking at Harry and giggling when the Ball was announced. I didn’t tell them that I was dating Harry yet. You all would’ve heard about it the next day.”

“Good,” Daphne said, more to herself.

“Er…” Hermione started; apparently she wanted to ask a question but was too uncomfortable to answer it.

“We’ll answer any question, Hermione,” Hannah assured the girl. She distantly wondered if Hermione was actually going to join the Harem.

“Is Ginny in the Harem?” Hermione asked a moment later.

Daphne shook her head. “No, the thing about a Harem is, you have to be used with sharing. Ginny wanted to be in the Harem, but didn’t like the idea of sharing, so she said she would, and I quote, ‘Get Harry to myself’. She looked pretty serious. She came up to one of us the first day this year.”

Hermione released a breath she didn’t know she was holding. Daphne hid a smirk. “Something tells me she’s not happy about you two.”

Hermione shook her head, stating that she didn’t want to discuss it any further. “So, you said something about getting to know the real Harry Potter?”

Hannah nodded. “We’re tired of being fangirls. We want to get to know him, we want him to at least be friends with most of us. We’ve been lusting after someone we barely know, except that he killed Voldemort, defeated a basilisk, troll, and a Cerberus—”

“How did you know that?” Hermione asked quickly.

Hannah smiled. “News travel fast.”

“Of course,” Hermione muttered. “I’ll answer your questions, but I need to ask Harry if you want personal answers.”

“Fair enough, Hermione,” Daphne said as she pulled a sheet of paper out of her backpack with an emerald feathered quill. “It’s my favorite one,” Daphne said at Hermione’s arched eyebrows. Whether because it’s a Slytherin color, or Harry’s eye color, Hermione and Hannah could guess.

It took a few minutes, but Daphne finished her list and handed it to Hermione. Hermione eyed the sheet of paper with curiosity. It was muggle paper. Hannah explained. “We have a few Muggle-borns who thought of that Idea. Takes up less space in our backpack, which is a muggle product.”

Hermione nodded and neatly folded the sheet of paper. “I’m going to give this to Harry. Anything else?”

Daphne nodded and said, “That position is still open for you if you want it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. You could be the permanent leader of our group in three years. It’s almost guaranteed, actually.”

“Why would I be the leader in three years?” Hermione asked.

“You’ll be wearing the official ring,” Hannah explained with a smile and a wink.

Hermione’s face could rival any Weasley’s hair when she understood.

Daphne smiled at the girl that had just recently become her friend. “Here is our brochure,” she said, reaching in her backpack again and handing the brochure to Hermione. She nervously took it. “See you at the ball,” Daphne said to the girl and stood up. “Hannah, you ready to go? I need to find Lavender and Parvati.”

“Yes, I should be going, I have someone waiting for me. Bye Hermione,” Hannah said as she stood up and followed Daphne out of the library.

Hermione sighed as she removed the silencing charm and collected her bag. Harry was either going to be scared or tremendously excited. Just looking at those two and the number of girls, she could tell that Harry was going to have trouble breathing when she tells this to him. Would she accept his answer? Would she be able to share her Harry with a Harem?

She chuckled to herself. He wasn’t her Harry. She could understand that almost every girl wants him. She’s still amazed that Harry wanted her, but was slowly adjusting to it. She did credit the girls for wanting to get to know the real Harry Potter. She also realized that they could make great allies in the future if Harry ever needed help, which she was sure would happen in the future, according to his past.

Should she join? Daphne said that she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to do. Hermione realized that meant that she doesn’t have to kiss anyone other than Harry. She would let Harry decide. He deserves it after all he’s been through, after all. Not to mention that if she tries to keep it from Harry, about half the girl population and some graduates will be after her.

Hermione had two thoughts on her mind as she left the library – Where could she find somewhere who could make brochures that would not question the existence of House-elves and whether Susan Bones was the one Hannah had waiting for her – so she didn’t notice the stony, yet curious and inquiring eyes that were on her from a table meters away from her’s.

Hermione gave the password to the Fat Lady and stepped through the portrait hole, intending on relaxing in her dorm like Harry begged her to. Instead she found said wizard on the couch, grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“I take it something good happened,” Hermione said to him as she gave him a peck on the lips after she looked around for eavesdropping eyes.

“Neville figured out the egg,” Harry said, grinning even wider.

Hermione stared in shock at him. “He figured out the egg? But it’s only been thirty minutes!”

“Well, both of you figured it out, actually. I told Neville that you thought it was some animal I had to fight. That animal’s voice is in the egg. He told me that mermaids, when on land, give out a high-pitched scream when it needs to go back in the water. His idea is to listen to the egg underwater.”

“Did you do it yet?” Hermione said eagerly.

Harry shook his head. “I need more space than my bathtub,” he explained. “I could use the lake, but people might see me.”

“You could ask Professor McGonagall if she could transfigure a small tank for you,” Hermione said, bubbling with excitement.

Harry looked at his over-excited girlfriend and smiled. “That could work,” Harry said, and just as Hermione was about to turn around, Harry caught her arm. “Tomorrow,” He clarified, and laughed when he saw her disappointed look. “Relax, Hermione, we have a lot of time.”

Hermione was disappointed with Harry’s un-eagerness, but she then realized that it was indeed late. She could wait until tomorrow. For both, she decided.

“Goodnight, Harry,” Hermione said, kissing him goodnight and trotted up the stairs to the girl’s dormitory.

Harry stood up, gave himself a pat on the back, and headed upstairs, wondering if Dobby knew anything about how to kill a reporter in hiding.